Why leaders need to have more conversations

Growing up in Cuba, evenings were one of my favorite times. After dinner, it was common to sit outside on the porch, preferable in rocking chairs. At our house, or at a neighbor's, I would listen to the conversation of my parents, and friends.

Stories were shared. Recipes exchanged. Advice sought and given. I got educated in business, politics, family life, religion, health, and other things, just by listening to the conversations of the adults. I think that was how my fascination with conversations began.

Where is the buzz?

Years ago, when I first started consulting with organizations, I could get a "feel" for the enthusiasm of the workforce (or lack of it) by the buzz of conversations. It was common to see small clusters of people talking about a project, or just sharing information. The executives would often spend time together, not only on job related issues, but also in family activities and recreation. This made it easier to know each other as individuals, not only as functionaries in the company.

Today, when I walk into an organization I hear mostly the click of keyboards, or silence. I don't see too many people interacting in person. It's not unusual to see leaders answering e-mail, texting, or checking the internet, even when someone is trying to talk to them. That is why I feel a big part of my work consist of reviving the lost art of conversation.

Do we need conversations?

The challenges, changes, and type of work we face require more communication and collaboration than ever. We need more face to face conversations than texting. If we are not looking at each other, we loose many social cues. Misunderstandings are more likely to occur. Opportunities for innovation can be lost. Teams can not come together in agreement. Interpersonal relations are foundational for building consensus, and they are nurtured by conversations. Therefore, leaders need to have more conversations.

In a recent Harvard Business Review blog, David Rock says: "Organizations wanting to improve their effectiveness could do well to invest in improving the quantity and quality of real time conversations." I could not agree more! Leaders need collaboration to be more successful. Yet collaboration requires smooth relationships and awareness of social nuances. This is best practiced in conversations.

When I design a retreat for executives, most of "team building" is done through conversations. I'm not a fan of team building exercises. I prefer stories and conversations that center on real life, real people, and real issues. Many times what they mention as "turning points" in their working relationship over the retreat, happened in conversations. Conversations and change tend to go together. It is in conversation that we influence each other, see new opportunities, and nurture innovation.

Suggestions for conversation starters

In case you are a bit "rusty" and need some ideas for conversations starters, here are a few suggestions:

• ask what has been the highlight of the week and why
• ask for a story of their most successful moment in the company
• ask how you can support their work better
• ask their suggestions about a problem you are experiencing

Remember. . .

Taking time to have a face to face conversation is NOT a waste of time. Don't isolate yourself. Leave the screen for awhile, and go build relationships through conversations.

Photo by @boette