Have you ever thought that your job as a leader could be easier if you could read people’s minds? And as a husband, wife, or parent? How many times have you say something like: “I can not read your mind” wishing you could do just that? Seems you are not alone.
Some researchers, and some new businesses, are banking on a brain imaging technique known as functional magnetic resonance imaging (FMRI) to reveal hidden thoughts, such as lies, truths or deep desires. (http://tr.im/uD5n)
I can just imagine how useful this could be! You are talking to a prospective big foreign buyer and he is telling you he will certainly consider your offer favorably, and get back to you soon. Unbeknown to him, he is sitting where the fMRI machine can scan his brain and just by looking at your computer you can tell if what he is telling you is true, or just a polite way to say “no.”
But before you start getting overly excited, although the new research by neuroscientists at UCLA and Rutgers University provides evidence that fMRI can be used in certain circumstances to determine what a person is thinking, it also suggests that highly accurate "mind reading" using fMRI is still far from reality.
Where does that leave us? Seems we still have to rely on other techniques to get to the bottom of things. I was recently reading the book “Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time” by Susan Scott. She describes 7 principles that can be very helpful. There are many other similarly useful suggestions. I have loosely adapt them, including my own take on things from my research and experiences. I offer you my version of “Mind Reading 101 for Leaders.”
In reality, of course, the closest you will get to mind reading is learning how to elicit the thoughts and ideas of others and share yours in a way that real understanding and collaboration can happen. Today I’m going to give you the “bones” of this, as an introduction. Over the next weeks I will take each one individually and expand on how they can help you “read minds” while you lead.
- Deal with reality. Reality shifts and changes. Markets, economies, colleagues, customers, yourself. . . you name it. Things and the world change. Stuff happens. Many times we prefer to ignore reality, because it seems simpler that way. Don’t burry your head in the sand. Start the conversations that you have been unable to have. Interrogate reality, tackle the tough issues, confront what needs to be confronted. Don’t pretend you don’t know, say what you really think and feel.
- Be authentic. Some of the failures and blatant unethical practices we have lately seen in business can be tracked back to a lack of authenticity. You need to know and understand who you are before you can address others. You need to clarify what you want and how you want to get there. Then you can have conversations that spring from your authentic self. People will recognize and resonate with this.
- Be present. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have in your life. It could be! When we are totally present and highly aware, our brains record and compute all kinds of subtle messages that can help us “read” the other and which many times result in the proverbial good or bad “gut feeling” we get about something. You might not be able to explain it fully, but you better “listen” to it.
- Confront your challenges. Avoidance doesn’t take you anywhere. Name the problem. Engage others in finding solutions. Don’t come with ready made solutions. Spend time asking clarifying questions and facilitate ample discussion. Then, when you have come to satisfactory solutions, take decisive action.
- Listen to and obey your instincts. Pay attention and share with others. You need to listen to your own internal voice and reference point first, instead of embracing all other voices. Then disclose your inner thoughts while actively inviting others to do the same. By paying attention to what you are thinking and feeling you can more easily listen to others and let their voices enrich your own.
- Take responsibility. As a leader, your conversations become relationships. Taking responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and for the message you need to deliver will allow you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion. How people feel after a conversation with you will determine how they would feel about developing a relationship with you or not. It also affects the trust that develops. When relationships are on the line, there are no trivial comments.
- Silence as Breath. The faster you run, the more you need to draw air in. Conversations that matter need breathing space. You need to slow down the conversation enough to let insight happen in the space between words. That is the only way you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about. Leaders need to talk with people, not at them. The more emotionally loaded the subject, the more silence is required. When your conversations have silences, reality may be interrogated, learning provoked, challenges tackled, and relationships enriched.
Following this principles will not only made it easier to “read minds,” but will bring forth authenticity, honesty, value and transformation.