A few weeks back we talked about the importance for leaders to deal with reality. Dealing with reality includes not only acknowledging what is real, but confronting your challenges. Together with the courage to interrogate reality comes the courage to confront your most difficult and often recurring personal and professional issues. That is what we are going to talk about today.
One of the complaints I often hear from the leaders I work with is that they are dealing with some challenge that is taking more and more of their time without being resolved. When I start inquiring, most of the time the reason it has not been solved is because the leader is afraid to confront the problem head on for all kinds of “reasons:” “I’m too busy,” “I don’t want to loose her,” “He can be cruel,” “I don’t want to bring unnecessary panic,” “I don’t know what to do,” “I have tried before and nothing works,” etc. etc. etc.
Slow cash flow, mounting debts, deteriorating relationships, lack of innovation, slow change, a stagnant business, a rebellious teenager. . . . no matter how unsavory or difficult your challenge, you need to gain the skills needed to confront and resolve the issues that seem to stand between you and success. It is not going to go away on its own. Every day you delay in solving it, it costs you, not only money, but emotional energy and relationships.
We tend not to like the word confront, probably because the image and feelings it evokes has to do with fights, anger, and negativity. Spanish is my mother tongue. In Spanish con means with. Therefore, the word confront ( confrontar in Spanish) could mean “to be with someone” in front of something. I think the crucial idea here is that it’s easier to confront something with others, standing side by side looking at the issue together, rather than alone or in opposition to others.
Maybe we would do well in remembering that the purpose of confronting an issue is to interrogate, learn from, tackle the challenge, enriching the relationships in the process. Let’s review some practical ways to achieve this.
- Clarify what the issue is. Pat Murray said that “a problem named is a problem solved.” Be concise but thorough. Is it a concern, challenge, opportunity, or recurring problem? How does the system reward the continuation of the problem? Where does it originate? How many people or departments are involved on it? How long has it been going on?
- Clarify what's at stake. How does this affect dollars, income, people, products, services, customers, family, timing, the future, or other relevant factors? What could happen if the issue is not resolved? What difference would it make if you solved it? What has been done up to this point? How successful or unsuccessful have interventions been? and why?
- Use concrete illustrations of the problem and what is it doing. For example, if the problem is the effect that your colleague's leadership style is having on the team, it would be easier for him to see it if you illustrate it with: “The other day when John was asking questions, you told him you did not have time for tutoring sessions on silly issues and he should find it out on his own.”
- Understand and describe your emotions about the issue. In the above example you could add: “I’m angry at the way you dismiss others' needs and concerns with the impact this is having not only on John, but on the rest of the team.”
- Identify your own contribution to the problem. Many times we don’t communicate clearly our expectations from the beginning. Or there is a lack of accountability. Make sure you own your side of the problem. In the above example, you might say: “I have contributed to this problem by not bringing it to your attention earlier.”
- Explore the issue. Indicate your desire to resolve the issue, inquire into the views of others and actively explore their thinking and feelings.
- Finally, move to resolution. Come to agreement about what happens next. What have you learned? Where are we now? Is anything left to explore? What will bring this to resolution? How can we move forward from here? How are we going to hold each other responsible for keeping the new agreement/resolution? Then move forward!
Remember. . .
A courageous, skillful confrontation in which you work with others to solve an issue is a gift, like a vein of gold worth exploring and mining for its ultimate value. It requires effort, but the end result is worth the effort!
