Honesty has to do not only with what we say, but with our authenticity and integrity. It first requires honesty with ourselves. To have honest conversations, we need to take off our masks and present our authentic self. To share with integrity our thoughts and feelings. If you want to know more about my thoughts on Authenticity, take a look at last year’s blog: Mind Reading 101 for Leaders: 2 - Be Authentic. Today we are going to focus on how we can successfully hold those honest conversations.
In last week's blog many of you shared great comments, stories, and discussion, including several suggestions that clearly lead into today’s “how to” theme. The need for emotional intelligence while you have honest conversations is one of them, as is timing, tact, effective communication, readiness, and compassion.
- Use tact. I have always said that honesty and tact need to go hand in hand. Honesty without tact can become cruelty. Tact without honesty leads to shallow, devious, hypocritical interactions. When honesty and tact go together, it’s a winning combination. Having tact is to use the appropriate words, at the appropriate moment, in an appropriate way. It requires the patience and discipline to think before talking. It requires choosing the right time to open the conversation. It demands kindness and sensibility to the feelings of the other person.
- Keep to the point. It is easier to sustain an honest conversation if we keep clarity. Focusing on one issue at a time makes a difficult conversation more manageable. Especially if what you need to be honest about is potentially controversial.
- Abstain from accusations and attacks. People become defensive if they feel you are attacking them. You can be honest about feelings, perceptions, situations, and behaviors, without resorting to cutting remarks about the person. Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements also helps here.
- Encourage information and opinion exchanges. The flow of accurate information encourages trust. Providing forums for the exchange of opinions and for honest feedback creates a culture of openness.
- Listen with respect. People will not dare to express their honest opinions unless they know you will listen with respect, even if you do not agree with them. Make sure you don’t interrupt, answering before the speaker has finished. Do not act based on assumptions without checking them first. Listening with respect is much more than “active listening.” It signals that you value people and their ideas.
What else have you found helpful in fostering honest conversations?
Photo via Flickr by bynejay