If we could separate the logical aspects of conflict from emotions, it would be a lot easier to deal with. But the fact is that Neuroscientists now recognize that the human response to conflict is more emotional than rational.
Over-simplifying a very complex process, our brains are composed of two distinct emotional systems relevant to conflict and peacemaking: the fear response system, and the attachment, cooperation system.
The fear response system
First, conflict behaviors, especially when under stress, tend to elicit a system that is selfish and directed towards self-preservation. This is the part of the brain that contains, among many other systems, the fear response system responsible for the freeze, flee, or fight response to threats.
Because the connections from the emotional center (amigdala) to the cortez are richer than those from the cortex to the amigdala, once the fear response is triggered, the amygdala literally overwhelms the cortex,flooding it with a variety of chemicals, and lock people into an emotional state difficult to turn off.
To make matters worst, rigid hierarchies of control are often seen as normal in the workplace. Social structures and hierarchies maintained by fear and force create stress levels that tend to trap people in compulsive patterns of the fear response.
Yet, we believe that we can reason our way out of disputes! However, people in conflict are operating mostly on emotional systems, making rational processing difficult. The higher the conflict is escalated, the more behavior is emotional and the less it is rational.
The attachment, cooperation system
The second system, consistent with descriptions of peaceful behaviors, is selfless and directed towards attachment, social bonding, and cooperation. This socially-based emotional regulation system also interacts with the prefrontal cortex. It gives us the ability to process complex social stimuli, rewards, rules, and customs.
When a person makes a conscious choice to engage in more caring behavior, this is what happens in the brain: the orbitomedial prefrontal cortex releases caring capacities and prevents those capacities from being inhibited by stress and beliefs. The prefrontal cortex modulates signals to the parts of the brain that contain oxytocin, eliciting the oxytocin-mediated (tend-and- befriend) versus cortisol-mediated (fight, flight, or freeze) responses.
To complicate matters more, the cortex seems to store the emotions of social memories. Therefore, life experience affects its function. Our future reactions are strongly influenced by past experience, including early ones. The good news is that influence and tendencies CAN be overcome.
How you can help the brain resolve conflict
Knowing what we know today about neuroscience, you are able to resolve conflicts best, by encouraging the attachment-cooperative system and decreasing the possibility of engaging the fear response system. Although this “sounds” simple, it’s not so easy.
Let’s look at 3 ways you can enable the creation of solutions that allows for social and personal well being. Solutions that bring reconciliation and restoration through the creative transformation of conflict.
# 1. Calming process
Soothing Environment. Create an environment that feels very relaxing, safe, and secure. As much as possible, the surroundings should evoke feelings of attachment, not fear.
Elicit positivity. Encourage first conversations that can help the parties relate to those aspects of their lives that give contentment, happiness, and allow for compassion. Could include asking for situations in the past where they successfully solved conflicts. Encourage sharing of pleasant past experiences.
Recognize emotions. People may naturally feel angry, hostile, and even violent towards their opponents. Rather than deny or suppress these emotions, they should be voiced and perhaps explored. Just make sure they don’t blame the other for their own emotions. As parties develop emotional awareness, they can make better choices about whether to approach or defend. Assessing fear reaction behaviors therefore becomes important too.
# 2. Empathic interventions to calm the fear
Ritual, dialogue, empathy and support have a large role in inhibiting the fear response system.
Establish ritual. Create a context that includes some ritual to start the process, like the Native American “talking stick” that slows down the pace of the conversation. Only the person holding the feather may speak and has the right to speak without challenge or interruption. I have use this very effectively in facilitating conflict resolution meetings. Rituals helps each person feels a part of the process, activating the attachment systems of the brain.
Monitor dialogue. The calm presence of a facilitator slows the conversation down, acts as a buffer, and allows the parties to take their time. The mere fact of engaging in a face to face civil dialogue appeals to the brain’s innate attachment mechanisms.
Encourage empathy. Open your mind and your heart to the feelings in the room. Signal what you think they might be feeling, and validate that it’s a pretty understandable way to feel. By modeling empathy, you will help them also find their own empathy.
Offer support. Walking the path to peaceful resolution takes faith and courage. People need support as they move from initial anxiety and insecurity to essential peace. It seems the require going through intense feelings of inadequacy, incompetency, and increased anxiety.
# 3. Development of trust, compassion, and connection
For any lasting resolution to be effective, it must involve a healthy dose of trust. In order to trust another person you must risk personal loss (which nobody likes), yet we so often demand proof of trustworthiness before we will take that risk. The paradox is that you must first take the risk, without knowing for sure how the other side will react, in order to develop that trust.
You can help the process of developing trust by arranging small steps where the risk does not feel too great, and moving from there. That is why conflict resolution usually takes time. It also helps if they can develop compassion and connection through the process.
As humans we are far more alike than different. But this commonality is lost in conflict as people exaggerate their differences and minimize their similarities, wrongly thinking that's how you win. You need to help the conflicting parties to acknowledge emotion and create empathic connections. Until this work is complete, holding rational negotiations will be limited.
Instead of thinking about how irrational or illogical parties might be, you can, from a neuropsychological perspective, understand (and help others understand also) that people are emotional, not irrational. Emotional is normal, necessary, and therefore an expected component of conflict and of peacemaking.
Remember. . .
Recognizing that the brain operates on at least two emotional systems, systems based on power domination and hierarchy might need to be revised. Power and domination seem to play to the fear response systems, reinforcing conflict instead of collaboration.
Your challenge when leading a conflict resolution process is to encourage the choice of peace rather than conflict. Perhaps positive peace can only be found by supporting and encouraging the selfless, attachment and reward systems of the brain and heart.
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[For a more detailed but understandable explanation of which neurochemicals are involved in our emotional reactions, and the different emotional systems, read the excellent article The Neuropsychology of Peace and Conflict ]
Photo by: law_keven