Mother's day is around the corner. Also, today is my mother Anita's birthday. She would have been 85, but I lost her when she was only 72. What I have not lost are the lessons she taught me both with her words and her loving life. I’m sharing with you today a few of those lessons.
When you have a goal, do whatever it takes to reach it
My mother came from a very poor background, and didn't receive formal schooling until she was 15. Yet my Mother always had a dream and a goal: Get educated. At 15 she went to a boarding school to get that education. In order to pay her way, she had to work very hard in the kitchen of the College and at homes doing laundry. She did this while successfully taking a full load of studies.
Even though she had not gone to a formal school before, and had learned only what her mother and grandmother taught her, she was able to start the seventh grade during the summer while working full-time to raise funds for the school year. When the school year started she went on to the eighth grade and stayed until she finished high school, which at the time was considered a good education.
Years later, after marrying my father and having me, my father went back to College to finish a Bachelors degree. During the 50’s and 60’s patriarchy was the norm in Cuba, and not many women felt the need for higher education. Nevertheless, my Mom was intelligent and brave enough to insist on her continuing education. She succeeded in finishing an Associate degree in Secretarial Sciences while working full-time as the Food Services Director for the College they were attending, and taking care of me.
You can always find a way to do what you love to do
My mother Anita loved to write. When she was a young student, verse came so easily to her that she used to help more advanced peers with homework that required writing verses. Although she never had a job as a writer, she was always writing something. She could write funny or serious work with the same ease.
When she died in 2000 she left more than 70 poems and many skits and other programs for different occasions at church and social gatherings. She also kept a prolific correspondence with me and my two children, who were growing up while we lived outside of the USA. She had a vivid imagination and a richness and depth of vocabulary, feelings and thoughts well beyond her formal education.
Stand up for what you believe in
Women’s issues were not discussed much in Cuba. Although communism opened more opportunities for women, the patriarchal mind-set was very much alive. My mother never openly discussed women’s issues, but she was convinced that women had as much right as men to think and to act. By courageously insisting with my father on her right to make decisions and openly sharing her opinions, and by her unconventional example among other women, she inspired and helped many to believe in their own value, and to become more independent.
When change happens, go for it!
We left Cuba in 1970 mainly out of concerns for my education. We went to Costa Rica by way of Spain. My Mom adjusted to these changes even though they happened when she was around midlife. While in Costa Rica, she contributed as registrar and head of the Secretarial program at the small college where my father was president for five years.
From there they went to Michigan where my father earned an MA in Religion. Although my Mom did not take any formal course work then, she used the time to start learning English. They went then back to Central America (Honduras) for another five years. In 1979 they permanently moved to New York, where for the next 17 years my father served as pastor for several Hispanic Churches.
Again my mother adjusted to a different language and culture, and eventually was able to communicate enough in English to function efficiently. As many other Spanish-speaking female Hispanic immigrants, Anita started by cleaning offices and cooking for workers’ meetings, but was soon back working as an executive secretary for a Spanish-Speaking section of an organization.
My mother always looked at change as a challenge to be conquered. And conquer she did. Even when cancer took hold of her, she fought and adapted to each stage until the end. She wrote some of her most poignant poems during that time.
I still miss my mother, but the lessons she taught me have made me a better person and a better professional. And although I don’t have her facility with words, I like to think that she did left me part of her spark of creativity. In 2008 I wrote some thoughts about my missing her. I’m going to be brave and share them with you here:
I miss you. . .
Ada Gonzalez
January, 2008
Seven years you have been gone. . .
I live and laugh,
love and cry,
travel and play.
But when I want to take the phone and share,
you are not there. . .
This year my youngest son
went down the aisle,
not only once, but twice:
Once for his brains. . .
Once for his heart. . .!
I missed you by my side. . . !
I moved again. . .
Unpacking years, I found your words,
your many loving poems for grandsons
which you so seldom could enjoy. . . .
I felt your love,
I felt your prayers,
I felt your tears. . .
Or were those tears only my own?
I felt the void your silent voice has left. . . .
Snow and cold,
white and gray,
emptiness and sorrow. . .
I miss your smile,
I miss your meals,
I miss your calls,
I miss your quiet presence most of all!
I miss you, Mom!
To the mothers among you, Happy Mother's Day! And to those of you that have a mother still with you, please make an effort to do something nice for her on this upcoming Mother's Day! In honoring your mother, you also honor yourself.
Are you comfortable with change? Is there something you want to improve but haven't be able to do on your own? What can you gain by putting off making changes? Nothing! You can't afford to lose more valuable time. Contact me today for a free, no obligation interview to decide how can I help you.