Many leaders hate to be the bearers of bad news. For example: when you have to tell someone their unacceptable behavior has not improved, and they can’t keep working for you; or when the company has downsized and you have to tell someone their job is being eliminated; or when you have to demote someone to a lower level position due to their consistently bad performance reviews. How do you do it?
The short answer to how to deliver thought messages is: you just do it sooner rather than later, directly, personally, and with empathy. You speak the truth with love.
1. Soon
The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be, and there is always the risk that the person will hear “something” through the office “grapevine.” That will only make it more hurtful. Besides, the longer you wait to deliver the message, the more you get “cold feet” about having that difficult conversation.
2. Directly
Don’t try to soften the blow by going all around the subject. Billy Beane, the baseball manager for the Oakland said: “Would you rather get one shot in the head, or five in the chest and bleed to death? People prefer to hear straight, unfiltered information when it comes to important things, even if the news is bad." Don’t “beat around the bush.” Just say it.
3. Personally
If you have to deliver a tough message, have the courage to say what needs to be said personally. Don’t send someone else to do your dirty work. Don’t do it on the phone, or through email or text. Do it face to face, looking the other person in the eye. Yes, it’s more difficult for you that way. You have to connect with their humanity and pain. But it’s the right thing to do.
4. With empathy
Even if you are relieved the other person will be gone, remember the other’s feelings. Part of having courage is having heart. The root of the word “courage” is cor, Latin for “heart.” In one of its earliest forms the word “courage” meant something very different than it does today. Courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling one’s whole heart.”
Empathy is what makes the biggest difference. Because it hurts you to have to deliver a tough message, you might try to guard your heart by being colder and harsher that you need to be. But that will only make it worst for everybody concern. Show your care and concern (as long as they are genuine). Try to put yourself in the other’s shoes, to have empathy, and think how would you prefer to hear the bad news.
Several years ago I worked with a leader in a HR department who had the difficult task of dismissing many people she cared about after a tough merger. She was distraught and did not cherished the fact that she had to be “the bad guy” when she had no say on the downsizing of the company that had been bought.
By working with me she realized that precisely because she cared, she was the best person to deliver the bad news. She talked personally with each employee. She was able to show her compassion and regret about what she had to do, as well as her thankfulness for the jobs they had done in the past and for their friendship. She even orchestrated a final get together where everybody could say their goodbyes, cry, and process both grief for the loss of so many coworkers, and the guilt of the ones that were staying. It ended up being a memorable and healing event.
No, it was not easy, but it ended up being good. After all was said and done, the leader felt much better for having had the courage to tackle her difficult task with heart.
Remember. . .
When having to deliver tough messages, do it soon, directly, personally, and with empathy. Conversations are the heart of leadership. Especially difficult conversations show the kind of leader you are. Have the courage to deliver your message with heart.
Are you using the power of conversations to lead with heart? Are you able to deliver tough messages in the right way? If not, Contact me today for a free, no obligation interview to decide how can I help you enhance your leadership through effective communication.