The ability to understand conflict and deal successfully with people has never been more important than it is today. Rapid change, insecurity, and a contentious society make conflict inevitable and rampant. Your ability to elicit cooperation can make the difference between success and failure.
Conflict is inevitable, and can even be healthy. It appears when competing or incompatible options exist. It does not necessarily imply hostility. It is not always a bad thing. In fact, it can also provide benefits. A total lack of conflict is usually a bad sign. A sign that there is not enough diversity of thought and/or an authoritarian environment exists.
Today I was reviewing again a favorite very practical book about conflict: How to Manage Conflict, by Peg Pickering. It could be a great resource for leaders to keep at hand. This post is based on some of her ideas plus my years of research, experience mediating conflicts, and teaching leaders how to deal with conflict.
Because this topic is so important, I’m going to do a mini-series about Understanding Conflict. Today we will focus on understanding conflict better and debunking five common misconceptions about conflict.
Definition
Conflict is a struggle involving opposing ideas, values, and/or limited resources. A crisis of some sort. It’s usually motivated by incompatibility of ideas, values, and/or goals. Conflict is also a great opportunity to shake things up and come up with creative ideas for change.
Positive effects of conflict
- Increases motivation and involvement
- Enhances problem/solution identification
- Promotes group cohesiveness
- Provides reality adjustment
- Increases knowledge and/or skill
- Enhances creativity
- Contributes to goal attainment
- Triggers growth
- Increases the chance for genuine commitment
Dangers of conflict
- Alienation
- Decreased productivity
- Out of hand hostility
- Decreases possibility for rational thought
- Coalition formation with polarized positioning
- Erosion of trust
- Time consuming
- Sabotages decision-making
Obviously, learning to handle conflict effectively is critical for leaders. Part of understanding conflict better is making sure we are not working under faulty thinking. Following are 5 of the most common misconceptions you need to be aware of.
1. If I don’t deal with it, it will go away
Don’t you wish! The reality is that the longer you ignore a conflict, the worst it becomes. It will escalate until it becomes so difficult you can no longer ignore it. Yes, you and I can probably think of the one exception when a conflict went away on its own. Although most likely it just went in hiding among other problems. But usually it will not magically dissipate. Conflicts are like an infected wound: The more you wait, the more unmanageable it becomes, the more it hurts, and the more it can threaten you very lifeblood.
2. Confrontations are always bad and ugly
Many leaders shy away from conflict because they want to be “nice.” Yet, confrontation doesn’t have to be nasty. To confront means: to face, to oppose, to meet, to bring face to face. It’s putting the issues on the table to be addressed. Unless issues and behaviors are confronted, nothing will change.
3. If there is conflict, I must be a poor leader
Conflict is natural and normal. The presence of conflict doesn’t have anything to do with your leadership abilities. HOW you deal with conflict does.
4. Conflict is a sign people don’t care
Wrong! Conflict tends to be a sign of genuine concern. If people are willing to invest the time and energy involved in conflict is because they care. If you take the time to clarify emotions and identify underlying values it can teach how to better handle the next conflict. It can also strengthen people’s commitment to the organization.
5. Anger is always negative and destructive
Explosive anger can be destructive. But if the energy of the anger is channeled into identifying the issues and reasons for the conflict, anger can be cathartic. Anger as a feeling isn’t positive or negative. How you choose to listen to and utilize that anger, is vital for effectively managing conflict.
Remember. . .
Conflict doesn’t have to be bad. Nor is it a bad reflection on your leadership. By understanding it correctly and managing it effectively, you can reap the benefits of productive conflict. In the next 3 blog posts we will explore how to better deal with conflict.
Share your thoughts
What are your thoughts about and experiences with conflict?
I would love to know what you think, so please share your thoughts with your fellow readers and myself.
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Photo by: mendhak