We spent this weekend with my husband’s grandson and his parents. Whenever I spend time with small children I’m reminded anew of how important it is to know how to say no. Gavin is almost 4 years old. It is fascinating to see how he can read his parents (and us, for that matter) to know when their no is firm, and when, by whining and pleading, he might be able to get his way.
Many leadership situations are similar to parenting ones. As a leader there are many situations where you need to be able to say no. It might seem simple, but many times it’s anything but simple. Just like parents, when people question your no, you can be tempted either to get mad and scream, to argue your point, or to give in. None of this is effective. You need to say no and mean it!
After last week’s post on mixed messages I got a note from a person I coached more than 15 years ago, reminding me of how I helped her learn to say a clear believable no. At the time she was an admissions coordinator in a School of Medicine. She was having difficulties when she had to say no. She said no as if it could be changed to yes and got a lot arguing back. I was coaching her on being able to say no an mean it. To say no in a way there was no doubt in the other’s person mind that the no meant NO.
In her note she related that one day, after she had been working on this and was much better at saying no, the President of the University asked her to do something she felt she had to say no to and did. He did not argue with her, only asked her why she had said no in such a categorical way. She said: “because Ada told me to mean no when I felt I had to say it.” He just shook his head and said: “of course, Ada!” She finds the lesson of saying no and meaning it is still useful to her today.
Remember. . .
Next time you have to say no, make sure you mean it! People will be able to tell the difference!
Photo by: smlp.co.uk