The capacity to listen is at the heart of an interactive dialogue. When you are a good listener, by the quality of your listening, you convey a sense of appreciation, acceptance, and understanding. Others will respond and come alive in a way that sustains enthusiasm.
Lewes Beca said: “Yearn to understand first and to be understood second.” Some one else said: "To listen is to learn, and to understand is to inspire." As human beings, we gain an extra dose of confidence and inspiration when we can be sure we are understanding correctly. Listening is the first requisite for gaining understanding not only of what the speaker is saying, but also of what you are evolving together.
You understand better when you listen to three different but related aspects:
- Listening to what the speaker is saying, in order to understand the meaning, identify the important points, and expand your own understanding. If you don’t understand, it is important to ask questions that can help clarify the meaning. Make sure you check your understanding until you and the other person are satisfied you understand.
- Listen to your listening. This includes you internal conversation and your feelings about the external conversation. The questions you asked yourself about listening to others naturally leads to listening to your listening. The louder your internal voices are, the more difficult it is to create and maintain a focus on what the other is saying.
Good listening requires learning how to be present in the here and now, letting go of your own agendas and past history, and calming your emotions sufficiently to listen with intensity. Our internal voices are often judgmental, filled with doubts, and thinking up ways to refute what the other is saying. You need to suspend your assumptions, biases, and judgments to make sure they don’t interfere with the quality of your listening. - Listen together to the collective themes and the shared meanings emerging and evolving. What each individual feels, sees, hears, and perceives is only a corner of a common reality. We all wear different lenses, due to our diverse personalities, upbringing, and experiences. When you are able to listen to the different experiences of the individual members in your group, the multiple voices create a beautiful and rich symphony that brings a totally new meaning to the experience.
When you start listening to the emerging meanings, new possibilities develop and new valuable questions arise. It can tell you who you are together and who you are becoming together. When you can listen together, taking into account how things might look from the perspective of others, common understanding and meaning will develop.
Remember. . .
Listening with your ears, eyes, and heart in order to understand is to make an effort to hear something with thoughtful attention, aware of thought and emotion, in yourself and others. It means releasing (not suppressing) your inner noise, and listening for the meanings that surges from the conversation.
Listening ultimately means to listen together, connecting intimately with one another, without being intrusive. Listening as if one were a part of a larger whole, of a community. It means listening not just for what I think and have experienced, but listening together, for the meaning that might have an impact on everyone.
I can help you or the leaders that report to you to listen better, be more effective and successful. To find out more, simply click here.