When I talk to leaders, one of the biggest challenges they report is not listening well. Leaders tend to be so busy talking, directing, telling, guiding, influencing, leading. . . that they forget how vital listening is.
Yet, you can't be a successful leader unless you are a good listener. Why is it then that there are many courses and training about speaking and writing, but not on listening? Since listening is difficult, why do we leave the learning of good listening skills to hard-earned experience or chance?
I love the Chinese symbol for "To Listen." It not only looks like a work of art, but it’s wise beyond the art. The left side of the symbol represents an ear. The top right side represents the individual - you. The eyes and undivided attention are next and finally there is the heart.
Essentially, the Chinese symbol reads – “When I’m listening to you, I give you my ears, my eyes, my undivided attention and my heart.” This is just about the best definition for what I like to call wholehearted listening.
Wholehearted listening requires all of you: listening with your body, your heart, your energy. It requires your total presence. You become a listener rather that just doing listening.
Wholehearted listening includes:
- Putting your own ego aside.
- Striving to understand and to give an authentic response.
- Upholding appreciation and respect for the speaker.
- Suspending judgements and assumptions.
- Blocking out the external and internal distractions and being totally attentive to the speaker.
- Looking for connection, not necessarily for things we agree with.
- Listening for the meaning behind the words.
- Engaging the heart as well as the head.
Remember. . .
Successful leaders have an attitude of genuinely wanting to understand. In order for you to listen wholeheartedly, you need to put aside your busyness, and sit quietly, making listening to the other person’s words your first priority at the moment.
If you want to be an effective leader, listen respectfully, patiently, completely, with your heart open. You will then have you people's loyalty, respect, and best efforts.
Photo by: ky_olsen Chinese symbol taken out of Google Translate.