We are starting the last month of the year. As the year starts unwinding to it’s end, we tend to become more contemplative of our life and work. We take inventory. We weigh opportunities. We think about change.
Unfortunately, after many years of doing the same, making new resolutions for the new year, and failing at them, many give up on themselves. They accept one of several self-change myths:
- I’ve tried everything
- I don’t have enough will power
- People don’t really change
- I’m too busy to take time for this
Others don’t even think there is anything they need to change. They are in denial. If someone calls their attention to what they are doing wrong, they deny responsibility or justify the behavior. They want everybody else to change, not them.
So, what is so appealing about avoiding change?
There are many reasons why you might prefer to give up on change:
Staying as you are feels safe
This week I was talking to a client that for years have been considering to further his education. He knows he would have more opportunities for advancement if he at least finishes College. He would love to have more responsibility. But he still hesitates.
When I asked him why, he said he was afraid of the turmoil and effort it would take. “I feel safe in my job, make decent money, and can pay my bills. Why rock the boat?” And then he proceeded to tell me all kinds of “what ifs” scenarios. Not changing might feel safe, but it rarely IS safe.
You can’t fail if you don’t try
If you tend to be a perfectionist, or if you have made some efforts in the past and failed, you might be so afraid of failure, that you don’t want to try anymore. The problem is that if you don’t try, you can’t succeed either.
You can be free from the demands of time
You can change some other day, or some other year. Anytime but now! Therefore, you can have time to keep doing what you have been doing with no extra pressures on your time.
You can be free of guilt!
If you don’t think about bad habits or behaviors, you don’t have to feel guilty about them, right? Therefore, you prefer to live in denial.
You are free from social pressure
If you don’t acknowledge any need for change, nobody can talk to you about your problems, even if they have the best intentions. You always find a way to turn the tables somehow into being somebody else’s fault.
No change vs change
The reality is that as much as many people don’t like to feel stuck, not changing is an easy road. . .
because it does not require any effort!
The reality is that if you really decide to change, you can change. Just today I learned abut someone that has been a smoker for more than 40 years. Through the years he has claimed that he wanted to stop, but could not do it. Not long ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer. In order to have the operation the doctor told him he had to stop smoking. And yes, when it became an issue of life and death, he was able to stop right away. No relapses. No excuses. He is done with smoking.
If you are serious about change, you first need to believe that you really need to make this change and stop making excuses.
Are you serious about change?
Check your attitude! What are the words that usually come to your mind when you think about change? (No editing here!) If you think it is hard or impossible, it will be more difficult to make any changes.
The good news is you don’t have to remain as you are and consider it your “fate.” You don’t have to fail. You don’t have to admit defeat even before you have started. You don’t have to give up on changing!
The truth is that you can have a much better life if you are willing to contemplate change. I have good news for you. I just opened registration for my 2012 “REWIRE your brain for success” coaching program. The program starts in January 18. This program will teach you powerful strategies for making change easier and effective. To find out more about the program, simply click here, or
Many of my blog posts throughout December will be about change and how to get ready for change. Whether you decide to join me for this coaching program or not, I’m sure this mini-series about change will be helpful to you.
Photo by: Logos Noesis